EBACE Tips

Ever went to an exhibition at a convention and you had the feeling that the looks of the people on the exhibition floor are trying to figure out how much money you have in your offshore bank account?  Here are some valuable hints how to get an extra glass of orange juice or champagne at a booth even if don’t have such a banking mechanism for excise savings at your avail. The following tips will result in exhibition sales staff with that typical muscle spasm on their face bending backwards to make your acquaintance.  Welcome to the Masterpiece Theatre of VVIP performances.

First tip - For Pete’s sake; don’t hand out your business card until you are ready to leave the exhibit.  In the meantime, it will drive anyone nuts not having your card.  If they present you their business card, just handle it with an air of “so what?” and put it in your pocket or purse immediately.  Treat it as if you consider it to be no more than a gesture of submission, which is an overture for allowing them to address you.  And if they do dare to ask for your business card, react by tilting your head up a little and looking down upon them while saying with the threatening tone of an omen: “Don’t you know who I am? Well I let it go this time!” and still don’t give them your card. Ignore their presence and instead, with the speed of an insane black-jack dealer, you start looking intensively and from all angles at the items or aircraft on display while mouthing inaudible words. 

Does EBACE have Oscars for performances? 

An excellent tip is to have a lollypop in your pocket. When your hand nerve breaking slowly disappears in the pocket during the business card ceremony, and the movements of your hand inside suggests that you are looking for a card, the sales representative’s eyes will become bigger, breathing will speed up, some foam may develop on the lips, some drawling may start to occur and the tongue may even hang out of the mouth.  Then your hand comes out with… a lollipop and you give it a lick. You have proven that you have charisma, you’re on top of things, and you’re not one of the ordinary VIP riffraff that is shopping for a private jet. No way! You are somebody to be counted with and you will undoubtedly be the subject of a mixture of awe and wonderment, as if they had never seen anyone acting quite like you before.  Most likely, they haven’t!  There is a limitation to this trick! How many times can you draw a lollypop during EBACE without creating the suspicion that you’re fake?

Be on top of the food chain

You always have to make the impression of having the class of a VanderBilt. Mind you that nothing in life is worse than being ordinary. Tell something like you just signed a contract for some new Bombardier equipment -they would never figure that you only bought spare parts for your Bombardier snowmobile- and that you are fascinated by the performance of Honda engines  -Honda does have outboard motors for fishing boats, you know?  You may mention that a short while ago you made a major acquisition of Shell fuel -lots of gas stations to pump gas for your car; with the prices nowadays, the word major is no exaggeration. The chances that you’re offered a glass of Champagne have increased tremendously by now.  In that case, you might want to inquire if they happen to have “Pommery” or “Charles Heidseck” as these noble sparkling brands are consumed by more distinguished circles at the top of the food chain whereas other bubbling products of the widow are more used for showering  speedy chauffeurs  at Formula 1 and NASCAR ceremonies.  

Your spouse will let you decide 

You may wonder out loud what the closest airport to Saint Tropez is since you are thinking of buying some real estate there.  Remember that thinking of things is allowed, however, you should definitely refrain from saying that you’re dreaming of things. Isn’t the airport called “La Mole” or something, you wonder?  Most of the sales people are not introduced well enough in the area of distinct Mediterranean aerodromes that they would know the difference between the actual “La Mole Aerodrome” or a Molehole.  Again, keep giving the impression that you’re hot as a scandal in the boulevard press. Of course, the pending real estate transaction is the excuse that your spouse could not accompany you, but you ensure that your counterpart would go by your judgment anyway when it comes to making ultimate purchasing decisions. That remark alone is already a reason to offer you a golf practicing set in a redwood box, which is an appropriate present for a personality of your caliber who may like to practice for a game of golf in the office while having instructed your secretary to hold any phone call unless it came from your mother.     

Keep up appearances

You should absolutely ask unqualified questions!  After all, people of your standing are not expected to have a run-of the-mill Masters Degree in engineering for one and secondly never had any touch of engine grease on their fingers. You are supposed to be something like the Honorary Counsel of Syldavia and by all means Air Marshall General Tapioca is a friend of yours.  A bit of aeronautical naivety is even better, because that gives the sales or marketing person a bit of a relieving opportunity to fully unfurl his own humble expertise. Nodding your head positively while frowning and saying “Aha” is classier than a “Geez” with big eyes as if you saw water burning.  And as a concluding token of your fascination for the presentation you may burst out with enthusiasm: “By the whiskers of Kurvi Tasch, what misbegotten madman had that brilliant idea for such an excellent product!"  Any Vice President of Marketing of a major aircraft manufacturer would blush for pride when getting such an uncommon compliment.  He would probably try to drag you over to one of the exhibition media offices under Palexpo’s Hall 7 and make you repeat your statement to have it published on the front page of next day’s show news. He may also offer you the use of a limousine to bring you back to your hotel and invite you to join him to some noble VIP establishment that evening.  Now you are getting somewhere. 

Never sigh

When clinking to just another glass of Champagne you reveal that the other day you found out about George Clooney’s fascination for Omega watches -just don’t say that you saw it in a magazine advertisement by Omega.  If you are a lady in this award winning acting performance at the convention, adding the remark “Oh darling, you have no idea who many dear friends I have with the name George” would knock most gents out of their socks.  Making it clear that you are not an Armani fan proves that you have a mind of your own and at least gives a reasonable excuse for what you are wearing when it appears to be a bit shabby; that’s simply the way eccentrics look anyway. Just don’t make it come over as if you wouldn’t have the finances to dress in the High Society fashion style. On the contrary, say that Bahnhofstrasse Zurich would not be your prime pavement for a banking location but you would prefer doing transactions in the Caribbean. I mean, don’t we all love a vacation in the subtropics? And creaming up with number 12 sun protection can be quite a transaction, especially when you have no one assisting you to smear the oily substance on your own back!  Never say things with a sigh of wishful thinking.

Are we having fun yet? 

What I’m suggesting to you, and consider it as good advice from a friend, is to master keeping up appearances at all times. What? You don’t have that lunatic dare devil attitude to do it? Oh, you are more the bashful type? Okay, you should have told me earlier. Mind you, that with a shy outlook on life you may never get that golf practicing set in the redwood box though. You will most likely end up with one of those cheap looking black conference bags with crying advertising on it and filled with a stack of glossy aviation company literature. Well then, here is a bit of a game for the timid introvert category among us in the industry.  Do you have some imagination? Just a modest amount will do.  Here is your own little mind game! 

Marketing secrets

Look around at EBACE and imagine what these dressed up people at the exhibition would look like in swim wear.  Shoulder pads in the jackets are no evidence of any real muscularity. Heck, you wouldn’t even know whether foot fungus may be hiding in those well polished shoes. The fact is that people don’t look smart everywhere; having said that, in most places they don’t. Actually anything covered below the collar is a form of camouflage trying to enhance facial expressions. The minute they walk through a door you would see that they are a human form of distinction. But on the beach? Well let’s not go any further than just saying that there are no doors to enter the beach.  Actually if that beach would have been a sandbox, the cat would try to keep covering some of them up. Who said that I compare an exhibition a litter box? Be positive! It’s a playground pure.  In fact, a marketing department is the only company division that’s allowed to spend money on playgrounds and entertainment. The Vice President of Finances doesn’t like it but to keep him pleasured he is invited to join the VIP circus and is quartered in a hotel suite with a large size flat screen TV that runs Bloomberg stock market reports and with a vault in the clothes cabinet to make him feel at ease.

Last word of caution

I must warn you that with all the unleashed imagination processes mulling in your head , giggling all the way through the aisles of EBACE is just as undesired as bringing in your four month old golden retriever puppy and letting him move around just as unleashed which would not only be a riot, it would also cause a riot in these elegant masses.  And oh, I don’t attend EBACE this year; I won’t be missed. But you enjoy your convention!